F@!+h !s l3u!Ld!ng @ l3l?!l)gE of Ch@nCe fol? +he oNe you LoVe

,,,I MISS HIM,,,

Here I go climbing a mountain
It’s much too high for me
And here I go crossing the ocean
Losing myself, getting lost in the sea
Where did I go wrong
When did I stop singing a love song

Maybe I was wrong
Maybe I was blind and could not see
Oh but baby I’ll be strong
And I’ll sacrifice the very breath I breathe
If I could only hear you say to me
When I ask you if you think you still love me
Maybe

               what am i supposed to do when the CAUSE 

and CURE of what i feel is YOU?!!?!

<>I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don’t come back again
Then it’s meant to be (so they say)
But those words ain’t pulling me through
Cos I’m still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it’s just you and me going through the mill
(climbin’ up a hill)

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can’t make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You’re gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it’s over, let’s face it
All that’s happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
(on a wing and prayer

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can’t make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You’re gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it’s over, Let’s face it
All that’s happening here is the long goodby

The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye

Someone please tell me why

Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Guess I’m never coming back again

<>

i had a blast at my 20th birthday party!!!… thanks to all my firends who came.. i really appreciate the love you guys show me!… well, here’s the kwento!… i had my birthday dinner on friday since my other friends had night duty.. it was at Chic n Ribs and the first to arrive were kuya paulo, tinel, and mae!… then others followed… leng, joy, karen, vhey, marc, chris, kuya joven, brent, my anak, gion, lyz, rogema, rogema’s BF, anne, bryan, kuya ritz,and tinel’s BF.. everyone ate alot and laughed alot.. we toook a billion pictures and vidoes.. and it was kewl coz we had the restaraunt to ourselves!!.. well, most of the time…after dinner, we went upstairs to the videoke rooms!.. it was really fun!… thanks to the songs you dedicated!.. too bad others had to leave so early… but that’s kewl, i understand.. they still had review… well, most of us stayed.. last to leave were me, leng, joy, mae, marc, brent, my anak,and kuya ritz…we went home around 11:30pm… before mae and i went home to the apartment, we stopped by coffee overdose to get a corkscrew… hehe..  the night was so memorable.. thanks to the gifts also!… i got a couple bear from vhey and karen, another bear from gion and lyz, cake from rogema and her Bf, and cake from kuya joven and brent, a keychain form tinel and her BF, and a pair of earrings and necklace from joy and leng.. thanks so much!…  don’t worry karen.. ill bring the bears to the states!… i love them!.. thanks again!…

although, a boyfriend would have been the perfect gift.. ( hehe… just joking!)… i’m happy to have you guys as my friends..and thanks for showing me i can be happy inspite of everything that’s going on!… i love you guys from the bottom of my hypothalamus!… ehem!… hehe… i’ll never forget the night of november 18, 2005!… thanks guys!..

my life is just so sad… how i wish i had someone to hold…

i got this from mae tan’s site…

[[Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the sea
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world.

I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me.

And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side......

Is it true you didn't mean it
When you said you loved me too
Is it true I should just give up on u
Because you want me to?]]

although im super glad and happy that first sem is done, im kinda sad coz that means theres only one more sem till graduation.. and im excited and all to go back home but at the same time, im really sad coz ill be leaving some people behind… people that ive learned to live with and love… and it hurts like hell!.. what if i never see you guys anymore!?… ill miss you guys so bad!…only five more months….

well, last night..mae and i went to air force clark to watch the fourth year male basketball palyers practice.. it was fun!… hehe!.. they have a game later at 5pm.. i still gotta make the banners…

uhm,…its been sad without @&%*90^$#%^&…… and it always feels like my heart is being ripped out whenever i see him.. hurts like hell…

oh well thats life… i just pray that i lose my memory  or something so i wouldnt have to go through this anymore..

im just typing anything that goes into my head,,,

im sleepy now.. so ill take a nap first.. and update when i feel like writing more…

There’s a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there’s always something missing in the dark
Until you find the true condition of the heart

Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
But it’s not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it’s you that holds the key 
To the question that defines my destiny

::chorus::
I’ve been in love, a time or two
I’ve seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don’t wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I’m not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I’ve had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure

I’ve got every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won’t lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny

::chorus::

Until the mountain snow melts into the stream
My heart flows like the river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love

::chorus::

wow! its been days since ive been on… been really busy i guess with school.. and add to the fact that the computer shop at the end of our street closed… so i’m lazy to walk to school to use the internet.. its hot kasi!..  well, whats been going on with me?!..  um.. been busy with school.. wait.. i said that already.. yeah.. i have a test tomorrow and i havent even looked at my handouts yet.. ill do that later before i sleep..hehe.. duty?!.. duty has been good..exciting, fun, and so tiring.. but im not complaining… we get to hike everyday and see such beautiful landscapes… nature is just do breath-taking.. heck!.. who cares if its reaining and my feet are all dirty.. its a good exercise i say and the view!.. wow!…

yesterday, i was supposed to go to tutuban with tinel and karen but then it was still raining.. so i went wo sm with mae instead!.. yay!.. we watched THE LONGEST YARD… it was hilarious!.. it was nice to laugh again… after that i bought some clothes.. hehe.. it was sale.. coulndt help myself… its been awhile since i bougth anything for myself… besides food!…oh yeah!.. i finally got to buy the books i wanted!… A WALK TO REMEMBER and A BEND IN THE ROAD… yeah.. Nicolas Sparks does know how to pull heartstrings!… i already finished the fiorst book this morning.. i could not even put it down..

well, after awhile, around 6pm, mae dropped me off at the jeepney stationa and i went home to angeles… the jeep wasnt even full.. i got to do some thinking… it was sad… i got home to the apartment and at first i couldnt get the door opened,, which totally sucked because i didnt know hoe to break in like mae did… i tried like three times and it still woulndt open.. i was like, Great! i have the greates bad luck ever!  i wanted to cry already.. then i jsut took a deep breath and asked God to open the door…i tried again and it did open!.. thank you Lord!..

When i got inside, i put my things down and started preparing for my dinner.. alone again… i hated it.. there was noone to call…. no one… after dinner i got ready for bed and turned out all the lights excpet my lamp… i jsut read till i heard someone knock at the door… it took awhile before i opened it.. it was marc!.. wow!…he came in and we talked for awhile.. i hadnt seen him in such  long time and so there was major catching up to do…. major!… and he did his best to cheer me up…

the next morning, i contiunued reading until i finished A WALK TO REMEMBER…such a good book.. so sad…around 11AM i cooked my brunch and ate.. then i did the laundry and cleaned the bathroom, took a shower and did my journal reading… after awhile i fell asleep and leter that day, my anak came over and we had dinner together… fried rice, tuyo, corned beef, and maling.. hehe.. he left a little bit before 8pma dn then mae came!… she had a surprise for me!… i thought it was my boyfriend she had found… hehe.. instead it was better!… she got me THE NOTEBOOK book!…. yay!… so kilig!… i cant wait ti finish my second book!… even if ive already read it, i want to read it again..

well, that was my weekend… nothing exciting..nothing new… i wish i knew what God’s plan for me was… ive been so tired of the same thing for such a long time…

I love this song!.. i love the movie!…

Think of me think of me fondly, when we’ve said goodbye

remember me once in a while, please promise me you’ll try

When you find, that once again you long to take your heart back, and be free

if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea…

but if you can still remember, stop and think of me

Think of all the things we’ve shared and seen,

don’t think about the things which might have been

Think of me think of me waking, silent and resigned…

imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind…

Recall those days, look back on all those times,

think of the things we’ll never do…

there will never be a day when I won’t think of you

We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea…

but please promise me, that sometimes you will think of me